(no subject)

Drifting out of touch again, sorry about that.
Stuff happens, ya know? And then I forget. L, R, R.

Last week was spent writing reviews, a process I hate. It's difficult and depressing and dredged up all sorts of bitterness over last year. This week, I'm on call and it's already going badly.

Outside that, spending more time than normal - which is already way too much - wanting things I can't have (or, worse, can't get myself to try to obtain). And the angst that comes along with that.

People change, people stay the same. I change, I stay the same. A word here has me wavering in my commitment to an decision, tho I know it wasn't heartfelt and if I actually backed down from that decision I'd be doing it for nothing (or opening myself up for all /kinds/ of drama, which isn't exactly better). A word there has me questioning the nature of an entire relationship. Nth-hand information coming in from that direction has me annoyed and defensive.


http://www.martian.cx/Words/Life/Ramblings/blog.cgi?entry=363

(no subject)

Deanna, like so many before her, said it well: "Communication... it's like walking a tightrope". I agree with a lot of that entry, hon. A lot.

Except, of course, when you're poly, the term 'available' suddenly gets a lot more complicated. ::)

I've decided - well, ok, decided /again/ - that I'm just really not cut out for this whole interacting-with-humans thing... Why am I inviting so many to my house, again?

I suppose 'cause it's easier to deal with them en-mass than individually. Parties are simple, shallow afairs. And while there's almost always something at each party to leave me confused and wondering, ... I was going to have an 'at least' clause here, but I can't think of anything to counter that. Maybe that's my problem; too many parties, too many open questions, and not enough guts to find answers.

Oooookay. That's enough 2am journalling, I think. Bed, sleep, and hopefully less angst and introspection tomorrow.


http://www.martian.cx/Words/Life/Ramblings/blog.cgi?entry=364