I am not a guru on this subject.

[tithonium]

So, I've got a friend who's having a bit of a... crisis may or may not be too strong a word, I don't know... with her relationship. I'm going to be vague with the details as I sketch out the problem...

She's been with her boy for many years, they're both monogamy-leaning, want to be together... but he's got feelings for another woman too, and is very confused by this. So, she doesn't really know how to deal with this, he doesn't really know how to deal with this. She came to me, 'cause she knows I'm poly, and basically just wanted to hear that it /can/ work. I gave what little advice I could, and said I was happy to talk or help out in any way I could. I don't know how much help I was.

So, I come to you, reader. Any sage advice I should pass on to my friend as she tries to figure out What To Do?

Comments

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

Ditto the first comment. Talk. Talk talk talk. Communicate communicate communicate. Talk about *everything*. How you feel about everything, what could potentially happen, what to do if it did happen. Explain how you feel. Explain that the new feelings don't diminish the old, if that's the case, as it was for me.

Also... if you decide to try being polyamorous, talking about what you will do if it doesn't work. Whether you're willing to stop the experiment and go back to monogamy, or what. Talking about what's important to you. Talk about what you expect to happen, how you expect to handle different situations, what you think you'll be comfortable with. Talk about how important the person you're currently involved with is.

While you're in it, talk about what is making you happy and what is making you unhappy. Talk about what makes you uncomfortable. Negotiate. Compromise. Talk about what hurts and what makes you happy.

Talk about everything.

(By 'you' I mean the general you, not you Marty, of course.)